In Space, No One Can Hear You Cream.

Close Encounters

2009-10-28T05:18:00.002-04:00

Talk about your bad timing. Now he decided he wanted to become monogamous, when he was a sex slave in an alien pornship. This was so like him. He always did everything ass-backwards.

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS is an erotic science fiction romantic comedy about what happens when aliens with weird notions about human sexuality—and no clue about human love—abduct four Earthlings to help them build an intergalactic porn empire.

Odilia is a nice planet. The sky is purple, the grass is yellow, the property prices aren’t that bad. But reproduction is painful, solitary, and asexual. Which is why the Odilians find the recently discovered “X-rated” disks from Earth so fascinating. And why the money-making scheme they’re hatching is so brilliant.

The plan is simple: abduct four Earthlings and juice them up on a heady pheromone cocktail. Then plop them in a variety of titillating holographic scenarios and market the results as reality entertainment—for vast profits.

The four chosen humans are strangers to each other, but not to life’s disappointments. Leandros, a lounge singer who’s never committed to anything longer than an Elvis medley. Eve, a interior designer who’s living a life much more beige than bold. Beau, a laid-back car mechanic who wants more from life than oil changes. And Cassandra, an innocent debutante who’s learned most of her sexual know-how from self-help books.

As unwilling—okay, sort of willing—stars of the Odilians’ budding intergalactic porn empire, the four of them consider their options. Relax and enjoy the ride? Try to escape?

How about fall in love?

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS by B.H. Dark, Samhain Publishing
Buy the ebook here!
Coming in print August 2009!

News

2009-10-27T15:29:00.004-04:00

April news:

We're participating in The Long and The Short of It's April Scavenger Hunt. If you've come here for that, please leave us a cheeky comment for a chance to win all over again!

To keep up to date with what we're doing, befriend us on MySpace, or befan us on Facebook. Or just plain send us an email at bhdark@gmail.com and we'll let you know what's up.

Some excerpts from our reviews for CLOSE ENCOUNTERS:

"At times hilariously laugh-out-loud funny, at others extremely moving" —(Reader review, eHarlequin.com)

"Close Encounters is an enjoyable, engrossing and erotic romantic that will make you laugh out loud! B.H Dark’s debut novel is wacky, kooky, sizzling, but also funny, tender and moving." —sensual.ecataromance.com

Close Encounters: The Beginning

2009-10-27T05:24:00.001-04:00

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS is out! And we are totally stoked (as the guy who used to dress up as a skateboard dude in high school used to say).

Here's a little bit of history.

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS started in a very simple way. We (that is, Kathy and Julie) used to write books together in high school, about us having sex with rock stars, and a couple years ago we were hanging out before an RWA conference talking about writing romance and one of us (it was probably Kathy, she has all the good ideas) said, "Let's write another book together." We came up with this great Greek alpha hero and we started plotting out a really good, dramatic falling-for-the-boss-and-getting-blackmailed Harlequin Presents type story.

The thing was, as we started writing it (we were sitting on deck chairs by a pool, which is where all good novels get written, darling), we quickly realised that when we wrote together, we were totally incapable of writing anything serious. Like the alpha hero suddenly got a brother who was a cross-dresser or something and we could never resist the chance to describe the hero smouldering all over the place.

It was going nowhere.

At the conference, we sat around a lot drinking (as you do) and we had a conversation something like this.

"This book isn't working. We're too silly to write Harlequin Presents."

"I know. We need to change it, somehow."

"But how?"

(Simultaneous drinks of alcohol, followed by simultaneous zings of genius.)

"SPACE ALIENS!"

Of course, after that, everything fell quickly into place. Our Greek alpha hero became a Vegas lounge singer hero (still Greek and sort of alpha), and we added a Southern mechanic hero (Alabaman and sort of beta) to balance him out. We made up some porn-hungry aliens, because you know that aliens would just love porn if they got hold of it. And holograms. And sex.

Lots and lots of sex.

Sometimes the best ideas really are the simplest.

Interview with Beau and Leandros

2008-11-10T04:39:00.000-05:00

Jennifer's Random Musings is interviewing the heroes of CLOSE ENCOUNTERS, Beau and Leandros, today.

Here's a taster of the fun...

Jennifer: Thank you, Beau and Leandros, for joining me today. I am glad to get a chance to talk with you.

Beau: Lady, are you an alien? How are you communicating with us on the spaceship?
Leandros: Calm down, dude, this place is whacked. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is just another hologram.
Beau: Jennifer, if that’s your real name, I’m just telling you now, I’m totally not having sex with you, no matter what the aliens want. I’m a one-woman man.

To read the rest of this interview, and what Jennifer says when Beau tells her he's not having sex with her...go visit Jennifer's blog!

Book winner!

2008-11-07T04:46:00.000-05:00

Two screaming deadlines and two sick kids have taken B.H. Dark away from cyberworld for a few days, but never fear! We have contacted the aliens, who, using a complicated process of random integer generation, have chosen a winner for our book giveaway!

And the winner is mamasand2! (Which is quite appropriate really because yesterday she reminded us we hadn't picked a winner yet! Doh!)

Congrats! We will be in touch with your book.

For those of you who missed it, B.H. Dark was exclusively interviewed last week on The Writing Playground. Find out everything you ever wanted to know...including what B.H. stands for.

And next week, Jennifer's Random Musings will be interviewing the heroes of Close Encounters, Beau and Leandros.

And the week after that, B.H. will be playing around with the Romance Bandits.

Close Encounters' first review!

2008-10-30T13:32:00.000-04:00

In the famous words of a holograpic horny gay cowboy: "YEE-HAW!"

We've had our very first reader review of CLOSE ENCOUNTERS, less than twenty-four hours after release date, and she had this to say:

At times hilariously laugh-out-loud funny, at others extremely moving, it has a lot of hot steamy love scenes, but there are a lot of thought-provoking issues as well: freedom of choice, trust, betrayal, faith in one’s partner and in one's self. This is definitely going on the e-keeper shelf...Highly recommended.

Thank you Sadhbh for the very quick and very excellent review!

In other news, there's an exclusive interview with B. H. Dark on the Writing Playground today, and we'll be hanging out with the Playfriends all day. Come and join us...and don't forget to comment on this site, for a chance to win a copy of CLOSE ENCOUNTERS!

Close Encounters released!!

2008-10-28T09:51:00.000-04:00

Whoo-hoooooooo!! Close Encounters is on sale!

You can buy it HERE.

Meanwhile, on the Samhain weblog, there is a strange message from an alien...

http://samhainpublishing.com/blog/2008/10/28/a-message-from-outer-space

Close Encounters Soundtrack

2008-10-15T15:38:00.004-04:00

Both of us make soundtracks to our books. But it was Kathy who made the soundtrack for Close Encounters, because...well, because she's a genius that way.

Here are the songs we listened to while we were writing the book, and some explanation of why they're there.

As you can see, it was a double CD.

Love Machine by the Miracles. This one is about Leandros. Dude, I'd press his button for love any time.

Bad Girls by Donna Summer. This one is about Eve, and how she feels when she's with Leandros.

Goody Two Shoes by Adam Ant. This one is about Cassandra, because she is.

I'm No Angel by Gregg Allman. This one is about Beau, because it has that rough charm to it.

Shanty by Jonathan Edwards. This is also about Beau and his old life before the abduction, laying round the shanty and puttin' a good buzz on.

Strange Magic by Darren Hayes. About being abducted, because it's pretty damn weird.

Closer by Nine Inch Nails. About their first sexual encounter in the blue tube. "I wanna fuck you like an animal..."

You Got Lucky by Tom Petty. This is Leandros being cocky alpha male to Eve.

Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon. This is about Eve, and her dilemma about Barry.

Is She Really Going Out With Him? by Joe Jackson. Julie added this one, about Leandros's thoughts about Barry.

Burnin' for You by Blue Oyster Cult.
Feel Like Making Love by Bad Company.
You and Me by Lifehouse. All three of these songs are about having lots of sex on the spaceship.

Who's Making Love by Johnnie Taylor is about when they switch partners. "Who's makin' love with your old lady, while you're out makin' love?"

Love the One You're With by Stephen Stills.
Suspicious Minds by Elvis Presley. Both these songs are also about switching partners, for obvious reasons.

Tongue by REM. Beau makes it up to Cassie...

Down on My Knees by Bread. Eve makes it up to Leandros...

Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon by Neil Diamond. This is about Cassie, finding herself on a pornship. Awww.

This Time by INXS. I think this is about Leandros and Eve having their dramas everywhere.

Accidentally in Love by Counting Crows. It really is the last thing you expect in an alien pornship.

Runaway by Jefferson Starship. Gonna escape...when Lubda lets us...

Let's Get It On by Marvin Gaye. Obvious, really.

Just Like Jesse James by Cher. This is the Western scenario, Bone-anza.

Strip by Adam Ant. Yup. Incidentally Beau was dressed as Adam Ant when he was with Eve.

Here I Go Again by Whitesnake. Kathy was thinking about Tawny Kittaen on the hood of that car in the video, because that is Cassie in the garage scenario with Beau, where she confesses her feelings.

Boogie Wonderland by Earth, Wind & Fire. This is one of the songs Leandros and Eve dance to in Studio 69.

Love to Love You, Baby by Donna Summer. This is the other one. Disco orgasm. Baby.

Strange Currencies by REM. Returning home. "I don't know what you mean to me..."

Can't You See by the Marshall Tucker Band. Beau is alone and blue.

Caught Up in You by .38 Special. Beau and Cassie reunite.

Don't Change by INXS. Beau and Cassie accepting each other as they really are, on Earth.

Vehicle by Bo Bice. They have sex in Beau's truck. Quite frankly.

If I Had a Million Dollars by Barenaked Ladies. Beau and Cassie don't need money, darlin', just each other and a dog.

She's Gone by Hall & Oates. I love this, it's Leandros being tortured without Eve.

Danke Schoen by Wayne Newton. Well, Leandros is a Vegas lounge singer...

Rocket Man by Elton John. Leandros sings this back in Vegas, thinking of Eve.

To Be With You by Mr Big. Leandros sings this outside Eve's apartment in Boston, with the boys in the band.

You've Made Me So Very Happy by Blood, Sweat and Tears. Happy happy happy ending.

NY Groove by Ace Frehley. Off to the Big Apple (a pornship might be more normal).

Still the One by Orleans. Kathy says this is the song that will be played at their DOUBLE WEDDING. Julie thinks that is too cheesy for words.

About B. H. Dark

2008-10-15T15:12:00.004-04:00

B. H. Dark is the pen name for award-winning authors Julie Cohen and Kathy Love.

Julie and Kathy met when they were five years old on an elementary school field trip to the zoo. Kathy thought Julie was weird because she liked to hug trees. Julie thought Kathy was weird because she didn’t hug trees. Fortunately, they both liked weirdness.

In high school, they hung out in the back of chemistry class writing erotic stories about themselves and a variety of rock stars. It didn’t really surprise anyone when they both turned out to be romance writers.

Kathy Love is a USA Today bestselling author of sexy paranormal romance and emotional contemporary romance. She lives in Maryland with her daughter and a bat-eared dog. You can visit her on http://www.readkathylove.com

Julie Cohen is an internationally bestselling author of sexy romantic comedy single titles and category romance. She lives in England with her husband, son and about a million guitars. You can visit her on http://www.julie-cohen.com

Close Encounters Excerpt

2008-09-08T09:56:00.005-04:00

Leandros spun around in the small room. Where was he? And how the hell had he ended up here? His last memories were of finishing up a grueling double-set at the Starlight Hotel and Casino, then making his way back to his apartment and falling into bed.

Now, he was...here. He looked around himself again, taking in the perfectly square room with its red shag covered floor and walls. A large heart-shaped bed sat in the center, covered in a thick satiny comforter that matched the carpeting. There was a door off to the left, which he’d already opened only to discover a rather lavish tile and chrome bathroom with a heart shaped tub.

But no exit. In fact, he’d found no exit at all.

“I’m trapped in some sort of 70’s prison,” he murmured to himself, running his fingers over the carpeting, trying to find a door or passageway hidden in the crimson, looped yarn. Maybe this was the ultimate punishment for a lounge singer from Vegas. Of course, he wasn’t quite sure what he’d done to warrant such a sentence.

This had to be the work of his band members. Although this was pretty damned elaborate, and frankly, while Stig, Bert, and Hagassi were talented musicians, they weren’t that creative. Last year, they’d thrown him a surprise birthday party, which had consisted of a tour of bars and strip clubs. Not exactly imaginative in Las Vegas.

He twirled, looking for a hidden camera. “Betty? Are you here?”

This could be something his number one fan would do, though he couldn’t imagine how she would manage such a complicated abduction. Betty was determined to have him—she came to every gig, hung around after every show, trying to get his attention. And Leandros was just as determined to avoid her. Yet, he didn’t feel drugged, which she would have to have done to get him here without him knowing.

He frowned, scanning the room. Was this going to turn into a scene from a Stephen King novel where a fanatical fan kept him prisoner? His heart was pounding under his black satin shirt and white suit coat. Another mystery, as he was certain he hadn’t fallen asleep in his favorite outfit.

“Betty,” he called one more time, then suddenly, the room seemed to fade away, dissolving like red cotton candy in a tub of water. He watched in amazement.

Betty couldn’t do this. Could she?

The walls continued to melt away, and Leandros soon found himself standing in a long white hallway. A figure approached him, blurred and distorted, like a black silhouette against a glaring white light. Not until the form was just a few feet away could he see that it was a woman. She hurried toward him, blinking as though she were experiencing the same blinding light around him. Strange given the hallway appeared normal, with recessed lighting and Muzak filtering though hidden speakers.

“Are you the person who brought me to this place?” she demanded as she came to a halt in front of him.

“No. And I could ask the same thing of you.”

The woman frowned, and he immediately noticed how dark her eyes were, dark and deep and muddled. Another wave of apprehension curled down his spine. She was as confused as he was. Not a good sign.

“Where did you come from?” he asked, glancing down the hall, again seeing no exits, just bright, white walls.
She didn’t answer for a moment, as if she didn’t quite know if she should tell him. “I was in a bedroom that looked straight out of the 70’s. But then it just,” she shivered, “disappeared.”

“Well, even if Betty could do this, she wouldn’t abduct you too.” Or would she?

No, Betty wasn’t about to share. She wanted him all to herself. So who had set up this elaborate scheme?

“Who’s Betty?”

Leandros snapped out of his thoughts. “She’s someone who I thought might have set up this whole situation.”

The woman raised a finely arched brow. “She’s able to create vanishing rooms?”

No. Betty was some sort of a waitress. Not a person who--made disappearing rooms.

The woman spun, glaring at the white walls, her shoulder-length hair swirling around her face and her dress swirling around her legs.
“Where the hell are we?” she shouted, her voice laced with both frustration and panic.

Leandros understood both of those emotions, but he didn’t reveal his own concern. After all, there had to be a reasonable answer. He stepped forward and caught the woman’s hand.

The woman’s gaze immediately dropped to where they touched. Leandros noticed how small her hand looked in his. How tall he felt next to her.

She finally glanced up from their hands, and her eyes locked with his. Brown eyes like strong coffee. As dark as his own.

“Do think we’re in danger?” she asked.

He stared at her for a moment, distracted by the pinkness of her lips. Then he cleared his throat and said, “Nah. This is a practical joke. When you work with the entertainers on the Vegas strip, this sort of thing just happens.”
Of course, nothing like this had ever happened to him. Or anyone else he knew.

But he continued on with more determination, “This is probably the doing of Athan the Incredible. He’s quite the magician.” Although Leandros had only seen him make a few doves and a woman from Jersey disappear. He hadn’t made whole rooms vanish. He may have emptied a few, though.

“But I’m not even from Vegas.” Her voice shook, and both fear and protectiveness tightened his chest. He couldn’t say why, but something in her eyes pulled at him.

He managed to keep his voice, calm, conversational, the same tone he used on stage. “Oh yeah? Where are you from?”

“Boston. I’m not an entertainer either. I’m an interior decorator.”

Leandros glanced down at her clothing. She wore an expensive-looking black cocktail dress. Narrow straps revealed the smooth, golden skin of her shoulders and the full, flirty hemline showed off her shapely legs. Hardly the clothes he imagined a decorator wearing. He pictured paint-spattered coveralls. She looked more like a glamorous 50’s starlet than a woman who hung wallpaper.

Her feet were bare, her toenails painted cherry red. His gaze wandered to her free hand expecting to see a pair of high heels dangled from her fingers. No. But yet again he was struck by the image of a 50’s actress, strolling down the beach, shoes swinging from her fingertips, water lapping over her cherry-polished toes, a wide smile warming her dark eyes.
But she wasn’t smiling. She staring at him as if she needed to believe he had an answer for this weird situation.

“I’m Leandros,” he said instead.

Her gaze dropped back to their hands still intertwined. He noted how her slender fingers felt perfect, natural against his palm.
“Eve Green.”

Instead of releasing her hand after she introduced herself, he tugged her gently down the corridor. “Let’s figure out what’s going on here.”

As they walked, again their surroundings started to blur. He blinked, wondering if he had been drugged after all. Then Eve squeezed his fingers, and he realized she must be seeing the same thing.

“It’s like when the Six Million Dollar Man ran through the avalanche,” Eve murmured. She gripped his arm to keep her sense of equilibrium.

“Totally,” he agreed, not sure if he could keep steady himself.

Suddenly the rolling, disintegrating illusion stopped, and they were surrounded by darkness and a faint blue light.

“Oop,” Eve breathed, coming to an abrupt halt. Slowly, she reached toward the blue light. Her fingers met a clear wall.

“It’s some sort of glass room,” he said, reaching out to touch the cool glass.

“It’s not a room. It’s a tube.” She trailed her hand around the circumference until she was back facing him. He could feel the heat of her body in the narrow space. “A tube with no door.”

They both looked upward at the ceiling, which seemed to disappear into blackness.

“Don’t worry. There has to be some sort of explanation,” he assured her.

“You really think so, huh?” Obviously she wasn’t any more convinced than he was.

“Yes. I know this is weird, but…”

A loud hiss from overhead stopped his words. A rush of air hit his still upturned face. The blast was scented with something vague and elusively familiar. But even before his mind could try to name the scent, his body reacted. Perspiration broke out on his skin. Need ripped through him in snapping electric waves. His cock engorged, painful and throbbing against the material of his pants.

“What the—”

“Fuck,” Eve finished for him, and his gaze dropped to meet hers. She peered up at him, desire clear on her features, in the heaviness of her lids, in the small ‘o’ of her mouth.

Her hands found the front of his shirt, sliding up over the satiny material, leaving a burning path in their wake.

“That’s what I want. I want you to fuck me,” she told him.

Beau and Leandros say...

2007-08-31T14:39:00.000-04:00

"Got pheremones?"